It's 3am...and I need these pain killers to kick in

So I had toe surgery for the second time done today and now that the freezing of the solution has worn off....I can't sleep. As I started to get all dozey....the pain suddenly flooded my big toe. Thats right folks, I had in-gown toe nails and they hurt like a bitch. I had the procedure done a while ago but the left toe nail grew back into my skin. Now I have to go through the healing process all over again after this second attempt to cut up my nail. I'll be spending the next few days sitting in my house bathing my toe and studying for mid-terms. I 've really been slacking in school becuase the content is just so boring. I don't feel like I'm learning anything right now, but I'm hoping if I can just get past this part, I'll do better when we get into the more hands on areas of the course. Here's hopin...because I'm 22 and I'm really starting to worry. I wish I had a passion for something. Even if I had a passion that was temporary, it could provide me with a career just until I get married and had kids (don't worry I'm talkin waaaay in the future). After that I can see me being happy staying home and doing the whole house wife thing if thats what it came down to. For now, I just want to not be dependent on my parents and have a decent income. I'm not asking for much......just my own life! Man this is frustrating. I am not even close to having anything I could want. And it's not like I have a specific plan for my life....just some key ideas floating around I guess. I'm nervous about whats going to happen to me. I keep thinking about my 7 year old self looking forward in time to the age of 22 and being so disappointed at what I see. I thought I'd have more than this at this point in my life. That sounds sort of stupid because I have many things that I should be and am thankful for....but I'm talking about self-fulfilling needs here. I'm so restless... and it's like I'm watching the clock tick away and there's something I need to do that'll help me, but I'm not doing it. I hope I realize what that "it" is....because right now I have no idea.

Wow, those pain killers really worked! My foot feels like its sitting in a nice cool puddle!..............I don't know what I meant by that. I'm high okay? Anywho...you know what I'm thinkin? Maybe I need to fuck up real bad, and then it's like I'll have a fresh start, or a new outlook. By fuck up, I mean really screw up, like every aspect of my life and me as a person. What if thats what it takes? I don't know if I like the sounds of that. If thats what is headed my way......what a shitty deal. Not fair....not fair at all. Fare? Fair? I need to start reading more often.
Aaaah yes..these are the random thoughts in my drugged up head at 4 in the morning. I'm not even that tired!! LOL....I love these pain killers. Does anyone remember play days at school? You know where they'd lock all the kids outside all day and make them do random sports and activities in the hot ass sun? It was fun for the first hour when we were happy to not be in class learning....and then you'd just want to find some shade and pass out. What was with that watered down orange drink??? In that 8 hours we were only allowed to have two dentist cups of it!! We were in the sun all day doing sports!!! Give me a few bottles of some real juice!!! Remember pizza days? Everyone was always in a good mood on pizza days. You knew it was comin......that lunch of greasy goodness. I'd get 3 slices and two cookies everytime. God I was a porker.

Longest post ever! I have to go!! Tis my b-day this week and I'm gunna drink me some booze. I'm thinkin....tequila. Okay later!