It's 3am...and I need these pain killers to kick in

So I had toe surgery for the second time done today and now that the freezing of the solution has worn off....I can't sleep. As I started to get all dozey....the pain suddenly flooded my big toe. Thats right folks, I had in-gown toe nails and they hurt like a bitch. I had the procedure done a while ago but the left toe nail grew back into my skin. Now I have to go through the healing process all over again after this second attempt to cut up my nail. I'll be spending the next few days sitting in my house bathing my toe and studying for mid-terms. I 've really been slacking in school becuase the content is just so boring. I don't feel like I'm learning anything right now, but I'm hoping if I can just get past this part, I'll do better when we get into the more hands on areas of the course. Here's hopin...because I'm 22 and I'm really starting to worry. I wish I had a passion for something. Even if I had a passion that was temporary, it could provide me with a career just until I get married and had kids (don't worry I'm talkin waaaay in the future). After that I can see me being happy staying home and doing the whole house wife thing if thats what it came down to. For now, I just want to not be dependent on my parents and have a decent income. I'm not asking for much......just my own life! Man this is frustrating. I am not even close to having anything I could want. And it's not like I have a specific plan for my life....just some key ideas floating around I guess. I'm nervous about whats going to happen to me. I keep thinking about my 7 year old self looking forward in time to the age of 22 and being so disappointed at what I see. I thought I'd have more than this at this point in my life. That sounds sort of stupid because I have many things that I should be and am thankful for....but I'm talking about self-fulfilling needs here. I'm so restless... and it's like I'm watching the clock tick away and there's something I need to do that'll help me, but I'm not doing it. I hope I realize what that "it" is....because right now I have no idea.

Wow, those pain killers really worked! My foot feels like its sitting in a nice cool puddle!..............I don't know what I meant by that. I'm high okay? Anywho...you know what I'm thinkin? Maybe I need to fuck up real bad, and then it's like I'll have a fresh start, or a new outlook. By fuck up, I mean really screw up, like every aspect of my life and me as a person. What if thats what it takes? I don't know if I like the sounds of that. If thats what is headed my way......what a shitty deal. Not fair....not fair at all. Fare? Fair? I need to start reading more often.
Aaaah yes..these are the random thoughts in my drugged up head at 4 in the morning. I'm not even that tired!! LOL....I love these pain killers. Does anyone remember play days at school? You know where they'd lock all the kids outside all day and make them do random sports and activities in the hot ass sun? It was fun for the first hour when we were happy to not be in class learning....and then you'd just want to find some shade and pass out. What was with that watered down orange drink??? In that 8 hours we were only allowed to have two dentist cups of it!! We were in the sun all day doing sports!!! Give me a few bottles of some real juice!!! Remember pizza days? Everyone was always in a good mood on pizza days. You knew it was comin......that lunch of greasy goodness. I'd get 3 slices and two cookies everytime. God I was a porker.

Longest post ever! I have to go!! Tis my b-day this week and I'm gunna drink me some booze. I'm thinkin....tequila. Okay later!

Thanksgiving weekend

*Long sigh*

So the fam just left and I am left to tend to my swollen belly of turkey and pie. I am so tired because I slept about four hours last night after getting in from St.Catherin's after a long night of drinking and once again dancing. This time, I had too much to drink ( waaay past my limit) and wanted to die on the two hour car ride home. I'm a cheap drunk so I didn't have much compared to some people, but 3 bacardi breezers and a smirnoff is a lot for me. Kait brought her german exchange friend along with us and he was very nice. But when we had to drive him home at the end of the night I swore the whole ride because he lived up on a friggin country mountain. It took forever and I was in a lot of discomfort! I think I remember saying, " Bjorn, I hate you and your german ways!". Something like that. I don't know what that really means or what it has to do with driving a long ways. So today I felt like poo and had to help get ready for family. The whole day was just death. I tend to hang out with my 17 year old cousin Julie most of the time because we are a lot alike. She's young, but cool...so shut up. I can't believe I'm not in bed right now. I took some shots of us at the bar and some shots from today too, so I'll put some up ( this if for you boringskinny since you want the drunken shots)..........okay it's morning now. Sorry, just after that last sentence I went to bed because my comp was acting up. Okay...here are the shots.

The guy in these shots is Bjorn, and as the night goes on...my eyes can barely open. The last pic is of Linsday and me on the car ride home. Yeah we were pretty messed up.

I was going to put thanksgiving pics up too, but this alone took waaay too long. I don't have the energy to post more pictures today, so I'll do it in a couple days maybe. Okay...thats all she wrote.

Your Momma is so loose, sex with her is like throwin a weiner down a hallway!

Naked in the rain

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything,all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma .. which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

-Steve Jobs

I just wanted to post that little speech there because I think it makes a lot of sence. I don't even remember where I found this...and I don't know who Steve is, but he is a clever lad and I enjoy. The title of this post obviously has nothing to so with what I wrote. I just think its hilarious.

So basically I don't even know what I've been up to for the past little while. All I can think of is school and bars. I don't go to a lot of bars, but more often than usual lately I think. Sometimes they can really suck, and sometimes they are sooo much fun. Last weekend I went to visit my friend Donna who I met at the resort in the summer. I went with Kelly who I also met at the resort to go see her in Toronto. We went to the Pickadeli Circus??? Okay there is no way I can spell that...but it was such a good time. It was just so random! There was much drinking and dancing aaall night, it was a good crowd and the service was damn fast! Then we walked around the city at 2am trying to find our way back to Donna's apartement and that also was fun because we met so many random people and ate the best hot dogs ever for only a dollar each!! A dollar people! So for about 3 hours we did that until we crashed at Donna's at about 5 in the morning. I actually took one of my drunken showers when we got in, and I got water all over her bathroom floor since I didn't tuck the curtain in. After doing this, I then used my bar clothes to wipe up as much water as possible. I don't know what the hell I was doing. I don't remember putting my pj's on but I guess I did. OH GOD that better have been me!!! Then I slept with her cats on my face on the pull-out couch. They stunk of kibble. But there ya go. My random night in the T-dot. I can't pull off saying that.

Ah yes, I just watched the movie Crash and it was really really good! I heard good things about it but that aways happens and the movies always blow. This one was good though. Very touching. I ate too many chocolate covered raisins......and then pepsi...................and half a bag of onion ring chips. Okay i'm going to stop talking about pointless shit. I'll probably write again sometime after thanksgiving weekend. Later bitch.